


All dawns fade gentle from the sea

by sun_incarnate



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, Pining, felt vv soft writing this so i guess, i do a bad job tagging my aus sorry, is that sunglix? yes id like to think it is, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24324595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sun_incarnate/pseuds/sun_incarnate
Summary: Seungmin drains his glass before touching a finger to Hyunjin's palm, thinks of all the times he's wanted to hold them and find out if he's right when he's written of them warm and comforting.Or; Where Seungmin unlearns what distance pining creates.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 76





	All dawns fade gentle from the sea

**Author's Note:**

> so. another pining au. do i know how to write anything else? not yet. 
> 
> to want is a feeling i am most intimate with.
> 
> (idk what went on with the first part of this but the other parts are good trust me i just didnt know how to fix the intro hh)

Seungmin is a creature of habit. Routine. Fixations. The occasional hyperfixation-

"Fetish. Kink, if you will." Felix downs the rest of his steaming-hot chocolate in one gulp, left eye twitching right after as he struggles to keep the tears at bay. Seungmin doesn't know why he's having this conversation with him.

"Those words aren't even on the same thesaurus page, Lix," Jisung's voice is stern, shoving his phone in Felix's face, screen lit with what Seungmin can only assume as a Merriam-Webster page. 

"He hears the word fixation and his brain gets dirty." 

Seungmin doesn't know why he's having this conversation with them.

"Because we love you and so does Hyunjin and we're here to help you start a love story with him," Minho says as he chews through a stolen bite of Seungmin's doughnut.

"Honestly, Min, if Hyunjin hadn't asked for my advice on how to confess we probably wouldn't even know."

Seungmin finishes what the older's left of his doughnut. A bite with a solitary strawberry topping taken from Jisung's cheesecake. He doesn't know when that got there but he takes the fruit with his fingers and bites it in half through the middle. Clean cut. 

Dependency and dissecting problems with his friends is probably why he's here, so used to hearing varying opinions on how he could deal with them. It always ends up in them just giving advices, of course, because by the end of the day Seungmin will have to face his problems by himself.

He looks up only to shake in his attempt to not shrink in his seat. The collective unbridled attention of his friends focused solely on him makes him want to close his eyes and pretend this isn't happening.

He appreciates the efforts, though, of his friends trying to ease the severity of everything one playful banter at a time.

"God, I wish we planned to talk about this on a midnight," Seungmin sighs as an introduction and Jisung snorts.

Because here's why they've pushed their Weekly Friends Date a day earlier than the usual Sunday:

Seungmin's laptop blinked a blank word document at him as he stared at the movie Hyunjin had chosen to watch. He didn't know why or how he got roped into this. It's just almost six in the morning, his glasses were slipping down his nose, Hyunjin's eyes fighting through a sleepy haze, there isn't enough milk in this world to help Seungmin fall asleep, Hyunjin had looked especially softer under the light of pinking sunrises and he'd been left wanting-

( _"There's the fucking pine I told y'all it only gets worse when he's uninspired!"_

_"God I can definitely feel the better narrative Seungmin you're right I really wish we had this conversation on a midnight."_ )

Seungmin had decided to not sleep ( _I feel better and consequently have better words when it's midnight please we all know the drill_ ) but he's really regretting that decision by then. 

Hyunjin had knocked on his bedroom door and asked if he's having trouble writing. Seungmin replied a yes, quiet enough that he'd wondered if it's actually audible.

Hyunjin had probably seen the light seep through the space under the door. Said he couldn't sleep, even if his voice had this sound in it that definitely means he's close to _sleepy_. Said he wanted to watch a movie because he can't do anything else and that Seungmin could come out and join him if he wanted to. 

Seungmin's just about blaming himself for contributing to the event that is Fucking Up Hyunjin's Sleep Schedule when he opened the door and was promptly met with—oh.

_Oh_. 

There's Hyunjin on the other side of the door looking—remembering this, in his mind Seungmin shakes his fists at the heavens and lets out a scream—so incredibly _AAAAA!!!_ that he'd almost shut the door on the other's face to break down in the privacy of his locked room. 

But he didn't do that, _pffft_ , and the narrative skips to when they're both seated at the couch watching Hermione Granger pine over Ron Weasley. Hyunjin kept going still at random moments and it felt a lot like he wanted to do something, say something. Seungmin didn't mind it then, but he'd been worried about this thing that made the other antsy. 

He was just about to ask the other when his shoulder was suddenly not supporting Hyunjin's head, and he looked in time to see the other mute the television. There's a shifting something in the air, and Hyunjin's whole body faced him. 

"Min, I've liked you for a long time now," came a small voice, stutter-free. But he's fiddling with the hem of his grey hoodie, telltale of the courage it must have taken him time to gather. 

Seungmin's sleep-deprived brain had processed this as only platonic attraction then, and thought _honestly this heartbreak is kind of expected when you're a writer stuck in an apartment pining over your roommate-slash-friend._

But Hwang Hyunjin, 5-foot-11 and lovely as the dawn, had added a quiet "Not just like, really. More like romantically. Like the L-word four letters, 143 kind."

Seungmin's braincells collectively short-circuited one after the other and he'd pinched his ears to make sure he still had both of them. Assured by the pain he'd felt, Seungmin's hands fell to his lap and consequently to the keyboard of his laptop. He'd risked a glance back to the screen and saw a few lines of keyboard smashes, properly conveying all the feelings his mouth could not have said. The way he relates to the question marks and exclamation points is probably appropriate too, given the situation.

"It's fine if you can't say anything for now, though. I know this is kinda unexpected and that we both haven't gotten enough hours of sleep and I'll probably regret confessing when I'm literally dizzy with fatigue but," a gush of air leaves Hyunjin, "Yeah I like you and I'll wait for your answer." 

Seungmin's not breathing the whole time it took Hyunjin to say all of that. Hyunjin probably isn't too, judging by the way he'd tried catching his breath. And he'd noticed.

Added a little "No pressure, though." because he's thoughtful and considerate and wonderfully perfect with a side of amazing everything and just like that Seungmin's ~~love~~ unnamed feelings for him had multiplied tenfold. 

Back to the present, Jisung scoffs as he says "unnamed feelings". There's cheesecake residue falling from his mouth and Minho reaches over to smack tissue across his mouth. 

Felix looks absolutely endeared by the mess that seems to make up Jisung's entire being in this very moment. It isn't often that they get to see Jisung wear not-formal attires the company he works for requires of their workers, after all. The oversized sweater Jisung dons is probably making it worse for Felix and his poor heart.

"Seungminnie, did you go back to your room after he's confessed?" Feeling this vague sense of fear from hearing the tone Minho used, Seungmin finds himself hesitating before nodding as an answer. 

Remembers the hurried, _Can we talk about this later, Hyunjin-ah? I think I'll need to process this._

Remembers his hand on the other's head and the assurance of _No, I don't hate you for it. I just need some sleep in my system before answering, is all._

Thinks, _You were just procrastinating, idiot._

Minho smiles sweetly, as if looking through his memories as he scans through them. Mouth close, lips stretched. Almost too sweet. 

One of Seungmin's teeth starts to ache and he fights the urge to yank it straight from his mouth.

"Well," an eyebrow is raised, "you should've sat your ass down and wrote your own love story. In real time." 

Seungmin takes an ice cube from his iced americano and clamps his mouth shut, holding it to his aching tooth.

"Min. Amongst us here, it's you who knows Hyunjin best, isn't it?" Another nod from him. "So you know what it actually means that he's confessed first?" His neck is starting to get the hang of nodding. Thinks of the _confessed first_ and what it might imply. 

Across him, Felix reaches out to hold his hand. A small comfort, quite in the literal sense. But Seungmin's raised to take what he can get and accept it gratefully, so he smiles at the gesture.

Seungmin feels Minho soften even before he's spoken. He isn't all bite and snark, after all, however much he may come across as. "You can talk to us about it, Min. You know you can. And no pressure really, but everything's hanging on your decision now." 

He finds it unfair that the world continues to move when he feels like everything should take a pause and let him have a breather. A long, long breather. 

"I just— _Hyung_. You know how much this scares me," Seungmin shakes through his words. He blames it on the ice cube freezing his brain even if it's ling since melted.

"I can only assume, Seungmin. This is something only you yourself would know," There's a shift in Minho's voice, and Seungmin's left thinking about what he should do next.

_This is serious stuff that needs to be thought over and over again_ , he hears in his mind. _You aren't the only one risking yourself thinking of pain_.

Seungmin breathes hard through his nose, attempting to regain control over his feelings. How could he have forgotten to consider Hyunjin's feelings?

"You got used to the pining, didn't you?" There's something like understanding in Jisung's voice that makes him worry, sit up straight, pay attention to eyes probably unconsciously finding their way to Felix. 

Through all the years, it had always been Seungmin falling falling falling. He wonders what Jisung sees in his eyes in this moment. Mirrors?

Felix's hand in his is dwarfed by the sheer difference in sizes, but this is no testament to the heart that shows through as he says, "Just give him a chance, Minnie. Give this a chance. You both deserve it."

Jisung's eyes are focused on their hands on the table, though it seems like he doesn't know he's doing it. Seungmin scoffs. As if they aren't holding hands under the table. 

But when he looks back up to Seungmin, the smile he makes reaches his eyes. "Who knows, maybe you'll get a good story out of it."

Seungmin has been told all his life to write what he knows best, and he's obeyed it because really, he's satisfied in drowning with his own knowledge and understanding. 

This is why he writes distances, why there's oceans separating the characters in his stories. Because seas are everything he's ever known, he'd always been awed by the vastness of them.

Now the seas find beauty in him, but without the distances he's worked hard to craft and maintain, Seungmin is left with no more words to write stories with.

∆

The lonely walk back to the apartment isn't what Seungmin dreads. He's spent many a time walking home alone, he's used to this. _Creature of habit_. He loves his friends and the time they spend together, but he feels so influenced by their presence alone that he's found himself developing a slightly-altered personality just to catch up with theirs.

It's performative to him, maintaining that Seungmin for long periods of time, so a whole afternoon with them results to sighs echoing all over the closed space of the elevator he takes to reach his apartment. The tiredness doesn't even register from aching feet or thighs, just more of an internal thing that only hits him when he's allowing himself to rest.

A turn of the key and the scene unfolding after the door opens reminds him, _their_ apartment.

There's Hyunjin seated on the couch watching something on his phone and still wearing last night's—earlier's? Seungmin doesn't want to argue with semantics—hoodie. The grey is stained at the right sleeve, probably coffee judging from the brown color and the cups littering the low table in front of him.

Seungmin's reminded of what he's been dreading.

"Jin. You alright?" (A not-okay question, now that Seungmin thinks about it. Because really? With what happened earlier?) 

"Yeah. How's everybody?" Hyunjin gets up from the couch and fills a glass with water for him. Sets it on the table. Sits down and pats the space beside him for Seungmin to sit on. Just like any other after-friend-date day. 

The world had no business being this fine and functional and the same when it feels like Seungmin's entire life just got bombed.

He would have normally answered with a _Yeah, everybody's fine. Just another day spent monitoring the Jilix progress bar_. He would have gotten his laptop already and opened a word document to work on pending manuscripts while Hyunjin downs his fourth cup of coffee and spills news about who's waiting for who after every dance class at the nearby studio he works at.

But Religious-Over-Routine Seungmin breaks tradition by saying, "Want to talk about it?" 

It's a rarity for him to not follow the bone-deep procedures he'd set for himself, which is probably why Hyunjin's looking at him like he's got five heads. 

Then Hyunjin, this suddenly-shy blushing person, nods a little. Doubles back and trips over his breath as he says, "Yes." The word fades in a hiss and Seungmin can't remember where he's gotten his courage from. He would've asked for a refill.

"Would you mind me typing while we talk, though? I'm kind of new to this," his fingers are already braced against the couch as he tries to not stumble over the syllables. 

There's no answer, but Seungmin gets up nonetheless and heads to his room for his laptop. It's probably a bad move, leaving Hyunjin like that, but he needs to sort out his thoughts. He reasons that he's at least allowed some time for thinking before he fucks everything up.

When he's just about to enter the living room, he sees the other gathering all the coffee cups to one side of the table. The glass of water stays, coaster-less bottom forming a ring of water. Sets another throw pillow on Seungmin's side of the couch, leaving none for himself. 

Seungmin hums as he makes his way to his seat, continues it for another minute until he's opened a word document and started typing the date. A few moments pass and it's all he's produced. He feels robbed of words. He knows Hyunjin's looking at him to start the conversation, waiting, because he knows that Seungmin being focused on the device on his lap doesn't mean he's not paying attention. 

Hyunjin lets him because he knows that if Seungmin starts focusing too much on the words he's saying he'll end up not saying what he wants to, and that his hands need to be busy to get rid of any nervousness he's feeling. All these learnt from the time they spent living together. ("My God, they were roommates!" says a voice resembling Felix's in his head. He ignores it.)

A deep breath, courage, "I've liked you for a long time, too-" he snaps his laptop shut and plays with a throw pillow instead-"Hyunjin, I really, really like you." 

The words are there even if he doesn't say them. "Really really" means it's not just simple "like" anymore. Hyunjin's eyes focus on him, widening. To Seungmin it feels like he's heard and understood.

Too much nervousness. He needs to do something with his hands. He reopens his laptop only to shut it close again. The sound echoes long after it disappears, but Seungmin thinks it's just his brain trying to prolong the moment before the other speaks up. 

"Sorry, I'm sorry," Seungmin doesn't want to cry over this frustration he directs at himself, but he's really close to, "I just don't know what will happen, I guess."

He's spared the headache forming over developing procrastination when Hyunjin says, "Where do we go from here?" 

But there's no impatience laced with the words. Just a question, genuine curiosity. A hand is lain palm-up in the space between them. Seungmin wants to lay his atop it, overthinks what it might imply, stops himself before he could. Doesn't know if he gets to do that just yet. Replies,

"Will you wait for me?" 

Doesn't say, _It will take some time for me to get used to this_.

Looks at Hyunjin's eyes and thinks, _I think I'll need to rearrange a lot of things in my routine for us_.

Lays his hand besides Hyunjin's and breathes out loud, "It'll be slow days, Hyunjin-ah." Decides that this barest touch will have to make do for now. Hopes that Hyunjin understands just how much this affects him.

A grin, suddenly. _Daybreak_. Then it dials down to this barely-contained happiness of a smile. The warmth of the hand beside his does little to stop all the words Seungmin's itching to let out. 

A rare feeling, Seungmin muses, as he feels something flooding his cheeks.

But he thinks about all the times he's been put under this kind of smile Hyunjin seems to only reserve for the things that hold places in his heart, like dancing and graceful movements of people and Kkami. Seungmin remembers all the times he's been put under this sunbeam. Summertime and lovely and close and _I want to put in words how this makes me feel like._

Thinks of all those times and realizes, _Oh_.

He feels like a flower unfurling petals towards the sun.

Hyunjin ends up draining the glass of water and Seungmin goes back to his word document. Just like always.

_Maybe not as rare a feeling as I've always thought it to be._

∆

Later, Seungmin will find out that not much will change. It's still the two of them with their own things done with space and respect for the other's. Really, because only the littlest of things will change. Because Hyunjin seems to already know even without him voicing it out, going by how he looks to Seungmin for a few moments before asking for something like:

"Minnie, can I hold your hand?"

This is what greets him one tomorrow after. The first words, that is, because they've already been seated silent ever since they've started eating toasts. Seungmin looks up from his jam-smeared bread and sees Hyunjin slumped atop folded arms on the table, the pout on his mouth effortless. _Good fucking morning. At least let me finish my coffee in peace._

Seungmin's words are formless this time of the day, as they always are, so all he has are buzzes echoing all over his head. It's a bit of a struggle to force his words to _Please Hurry Up, I Need To Answer His Question_ , so he hums instead. Keeps the sound of it steady, so as to not imply a question if it happens to lilt at the end. 

He's hoping that it came out as a _Yes_ when Hyunjin brightens up and sits straight, an arm coming up to lay a hand on the table. It crosses the distance easy, lain waiting open just a couple inches shy from Seungmin's plate. 

He's just about to raise an eyebrow in question, _Thought you want to hold my hand?_ , when he realizes what Hyunjin's doing.

_It'll be slow days, Hyunjin-ah._

He's giving Seungmin the chance to start this. For him to take initiative, to take things at his own time and pace. _My fucking heart, for the love of all things holy please stop your rampaging._

Seungmin drains his cup before touching a finger to Hyunjin's palm, movement stuttering when he starts to marvel at the softness of it. Traces his lifelines, own palm breathing whispers over the other's, and thinks of all the times he's wanted to hold them and find out if he's right when he's written of them warm and comforting.

At his touch he sees Hyunjin tensing, veins showing through the surface of his wrist. Seungmin's fingers ghost over them for a few seconds before he retracts his hands and finishes the last bite of his toast. He gets up to wash his dishes, but not before touching Hyunjin's hand again. He lets it linger for a bit, coughing once when he realizes how long he must have stood there looking all stupid. 

"Jinnie, Minho-hyung will be waiting at the dance studio."

And as always, he fills a thermos with coffee for Hyunjin to drink on the way to work. Holds onto it as they make their way to the door and the other knots the laces of his shoes. Habit. Routine.

Only, this time;

Seungmin holds Hyunjin's hand with his, palm to palm heat, and lets it stay long enough for him to start worrying because _Fuck, what if I'm sweaty?_

He loosens his grip and feels Hyunjin hold on for a second longer before he too lets go, smile painting his face along with the red that tints his cheeks. 

Seungmin stays long after the door's closed, then sits on the couch drafting a story about slow, gradual falling-in-love. His phone dings, a message from Minho. The text reads, _"THE FUCK did you do to My Employee. he's almost messed up a twist in a choreo and comes up Grinning after kissing the floor?!?!!!"_

And a recorded squeal of _Minnie it's Lixie_ plays out before he can think of a reply. Felix's set ringtone. _"min, i <3 u, i rlly do. but we need a Functioning Hyunjin here @ work. if u could mayb go easy on him?" _

Seungmin smiles at that, loves everything a little bit more, and tries all day to write in words what he's feeling.

∆

The thought of being loved back sends Seungmin reeling, and even at midnight he finds himself breathless. There are too many words, too great feelings blooming as his pen spills ink seas on paper. He doesn't know how to spin stories when he's like this.

_I really like your hands, Seungmin. Especially when you're writing. Especially when you're holding pens. Just like another form of dancing._

Seungmin remembers Hyunjin's eyes watching choreographies, a little narrowed to tunnel-vision and catch every miniscule detail they could. Focused on tracking every movement as if to understand how everything's happening one at a time. How the movements and music flow through limbs and joints. What chance he has on replicating the fluidity he sees.

Seungmin remembers, and everything heats up as he realizes that those eyes have been looking at him like that. Something fascinating, demanding attention. Like something to love and be passionate about.

He's dreaming summer with open eyes, sees heatwaves plastered against the cloud white of his room's walls. _Daydream_.

It's dawn when he writes again, this time of somebody who's love is—despite eyes mirroring storms—a gentle ocean, gentle sunrise, gentle everything. 

Everything from his pen eventually ends up type-written on a word document, but Seungmin wakes up to the sun already setting and reasons that he's just forgotten to do that. The words stay on paper the whole day.

The words stay on paper and Seungmin ends up not counting the days after.

∆

Another midnight passes. Another dawn. A _Good morning!_ through grin-split rose lips.

;

_Then all the sunrises could only hope to glimpse your smile, to see for themselves what it is I'd spend pen and time to write, what it is I'd like the world and my words to immortalize._

∆

A week's worth of sunrises sees Seungmin curled up on the couch against Hyunjin. He's completely sprawled, a couple fingers starting to ache from the book that he leans against them. Hyunjin's on his phone watching anime, an earbud off and one hand holding it while the other combs through Seungmin's hair. 

He feels a drumbeat of fingers against his forehead, probably unintentional and something that should've been unnoticed, and looks up to take a peek at what Hyunjin's watching. Makoto Tachibana smiles and Haruka Nanase is one lovestruck idiot. 

Seungmin goes back to his book. Alex Fierro shapeshifts and Magnus Chase is one lovestruck idiot.

(The story goes: The other does something they're good at, and an idiot is struck by love.)

This is a completely new thing in his days. 

The meaning behind the warmth, that is, not the shared spaces. Not the preparing food together, the reminders to sleep, the coffee-filled thermoses. No, those had happened way before the _Romantically. The L-word four-letters 143 kind._

Seungmin's talking about love he can reach and hold any time he chooses to. The feelings behind the contact. The trust that comes with the waiting. The assurance that he can wake up not alone and drowning in loneliness just like what he's used to.

And it's also a completely new thing for him, understanding that not every habit is good. Knowing and believing that not every constant thing gets to stay. 

That this kind of change is only noticeable when he thinks of what it really means and that this is what he should've allowed himself to feel the luxury of getting used to.

∆

Seungmin's laptop shuts close and it's only two in the morning. After midnight. Too late, too early. But he's been writing the whole day and has probably cracked his knuckles for at least thirty times. Considered cracking his skull next because _I should not have taken that much coffee_ and everything's getting blurry with the need to move and sleep and rest and run and fly to Pluto-

The door to the apartment creaks open and Hyunjin stumbles his way inside, duffel bag hanging off one shoulder, shoes halfway to being unlaced when he's past the living room and reaching for the doorknob to his room. Seungmin sits at the dining table watching everything while his brain chants in exclamation points. He has no idea how that's happening.

Hyunjin must've remembered that he hasn't toed all of his shoes yet, so he backtracks and shuffles back where he came from. Winces. Removes his socks and sits on the floor, back hunched and head hanging low.

Even in the dim light Seungmin had switched on, the redness and bruises on the other's feet are clear.

He gets up and tries to not make too much noise with the chair, which he must have failed at, judging by the way Hyunjin's head suddenly goes up. Seungmin, caffeine-dizzy, feels the pain of the movement. Wants to hold Hyunjin so he can rest. Longs to take all the aches away.

He leaves his laptop on the table and helps the other get up, directing him to the bathroom instead of to bed.

He answers the whines with, "Hyunjin. You'll get sick with how drenched in sweat your clothes are. You can't sleep in them and have the air-conditioning on full blast." 

Seungmin enters the bedroom opposite his and rummages drawers for clean clothes. Doesn't think anything about it because _It's just clothes fuck off it's not like you haven't seen boxer-briefs before shut up!_ , is halfway to deciding he should stop cursing so much even if it's only in his mind, knocks on the bathroom door, and goes in at the sound of a weak yell that vaguely resembles a yes. 

"I left clothes on the shelf, Jin-ah. Go straight to my room after, I'll put ointment on your feet." 

Seungmin closes the door after that, thinks Fuck Caffeine, and retrieves his laptop to head to his room. Tries to forget any blurry image he's seen of Hyunjin's broad back showing through the steam fogging the glass partition of the shower. Fails, and ends up thinking of it even more. Lays down atop his covers, slaps himself more than thrice each cheek, realizes how dumb he is because _Your face turns red when you slap them idiot he'll think seeing him showering affects you!_ Rummages through his sheets for the remote for air-conditioning and presses a button.

When Hyunjin enters his room, his hair is already mostly dry. He plops down the bed and Seungmin gets up to find the ointment. He sits at the edge and opens the canister, a wafting hint of minty sweet coming from it. When he rolls back Hyunjin's sweatpants to not get anything smeared on them, he sees the full extent of the bruises. 

"Hyunjin, are there bruises on your knees?" Because there's no way there aren't, not with the way his calves are littered with them.

Hyunjin had always been light on his feet, dancing with all of his body. He's yet to come home with only one part of his body bruised. The skin beneath his toes feel thin underneath the pads of Seungmin's fingers, and they must've been already peeling before shower. 

Hyunjin hisses out in pain, says "Yes." before recoiling, and sits up to help him. Something in his voice is straining.

Seungmin shushes him and gets up to look for a pair of shorts from his own drawers instead. Hyunjin moves to undress with shaking fingers and Seungmin takes note of thinning arms before looking away. Plans to go for a grocery run first thing in the morning, looks back at a tap on his shoulders, folds and sets the discarded cloth atop his laptop on the bedside table.

"I got carried away with the new choreography, forgot to pace myself. Sorry," he's gasping through his apology. Seungmin wants to remind him that he doesn't need to. 

Six bruises on both calves, less on both knees. Varying sizes. All early on purpling. No swelling, just after-shower redness. 

He's already thinking of the message he'll send Minho after they finish when Hyunjin continues with, "Minho-hyung went home early. Left me to close up." 

Seungmin backspaces and deletes the text he's drafted in his mind, prods at the other's thighs before finishing and screws the lid back on. 

"My thighs can take more, Min, you know that. Though, sorry for making you worry. My feet kept hitting my calves and I had to redo it many times."

_To get the hang of it, so by next week I won't bruise anymore and end stumbling, injuring myself_. The words are there, lingering in the line of Hyunjin's slumped shoulders. The leftover ointment feels cold smeared on Seungmin's fingers. He doesn't dwell on the fact that Hyunjin's read him so easy.

"It's for a new performance, isn't it?" Seungmin shifts the conversation, hating it when Hyunjin feels bad about loving dance too much. Hates seeing his eyes dim. It's probably more of on the general things, though, Seungmin hating it when Hyunjin reins his love in.

And as he's expected;

"Yeah!" the stars are back, full-on shining, "It's fast-paced and loud. Suited for a more powerful style, fits Lixie's perfectly," Hyunjin trails off as the hum of the air-conditioning fades to background noise. "I've been learning it for two days now. I feel like I'm still lacking something, though."

Seungmin stops himself from arguing that he's barely lacking in anything, and instead thinks of how many more nights Hyunjin will come home bruised and exhausted. Probably not that many, though; he's a professional dancer and choreographer, after all.

"I love it already. Challenging and tiring. It will keep me in shape," Hyunjin sighs soft, as if expecting that saying those words will make up for all the pain he'll go through as he strives for perfection. It helps a little, but not with the worry that settles in Seungmin.

He shakes his head and moves to get up, lips already forming words of gratitude when Seungmin stops him with, "Stay here. Your body will need more warmth to rest well." 

His coffee-drunk brain wonders why he had the air-conditioning on if Hyunjin needs to be warm. He shuts it up with a sigh as he lifts his covers for Hyunjin to get under. 

Hyunjin squeaks when Seungmin scoots close enough to hear his heartbeat, fits his head on the space below Hyunjin's chin and holds his hand. Tries to not notice the jawline, seemingly sharper than what he remembers it to be, that juts against the top of his head. 

"If you want to, you can hold me, Hyunjin-ah." 

And there's a hand lain draped across his waist, hesitating in its way to fully caging Seungmin. It's warm against his back when it settles.

_Glad his heart's this loud. Glad this affects him too._

"Night, Min. Thank you." 

Seungmin sighs out a "Good night, Hyunjin," trying to not think of the words he leaves unsaid.

∆

Like hinges creaking, a moment of hesitance before the fall. Leap off the fucking cliff.

Seungmin watches Hyunjin dance in whirls, his eyes narrowed with focus yet again and something a lot like a sea of flaming kerosene.

The music he dances to had started in quiet piano melodies before a haunting transition plays out, this whisper of emotions that sends chills through Seungmin as he watches Hyunjin's arms go slowly up to mimic waves. His shirt rides up and the fabric glides smooth over a lean stomach. The silken material is shining, almost creaseless and disturbed only by the smallest of waves as it flows upwards, courtesy of the steadiness in Hyunjin's arms.

This moment is when the beats start to fill in, pushing in one layer at a time until the tinkling piano keys are reduced to ghosts in the background. He turns and twists his body, lines all neat and clear, the glow from lights overhead haloing him. Through all of these, Hyunjin keeps moving like the music is merely an extension of himself.

The studio is lit up by the setting sun showing through the windows and Seungmin's sitting on the floor feeling heat, feeling free, feeling _grace, grace, grace_. In front of him, Hyunjin is lost to the story unfolding through speakers. He pivots and ends up under a patch of sunlight. Seungmin's world catches fire and burns bright in his watch.

"He didn't even notice you come in," Minho comments around the lip of a water bottle. 

He doesn't reply, finds that he doesn't need to, because Minho grasps his hands from where they've started tapping beats on the floor. 

"Minho-hyung," Seungmin gasps, and can't say in words how heavy he feels. 

He remembers all the sleepy stumbles, the clumsy arms and large hands dropping phones dropping pillows _dropping hearts_. Seungmin couldn't see the endearingly awkward tangle of limbs that Hyunjin is at home. 

It's been a while since he'd last dropped by the studio to watch, to watch Hyunjin dance. Seungmin can't ever remember what made him stop.

He isn't a stranger to Hyunjin dancing, of course. He'd been watching him for years already, way before they'd starting sharing an apartment together, through every performance and event that showcased just how good he is. School, programs, festivities. But in this moment, every emotion Seungmin had ever felt for him is boosted until it's all he can hear rushing in waves in his ears.

He knows that the song had ended not because he heard it, but because there's no more beats pounding against his skin through the floor. Hyunjin stands in the middle of the studio, breathing heavy and sweaty. His eyes are closed, and Seungmin doesn't want him to open them and see him so affected. But Seungmin had never had luck in wishing, so he can't help the pained gasp that leaves him again as Hyunjin's eyes open.

Seungmin feels his chest tighten, something gripping his heart hard and not letting go. Hyunjin's eyes are stormy oceans from where they're focused on the wall of mirror in front of him. The dark silk of his shirt shifts as he moves an arm to wipe sweat from his forehead and shadows form in them. Depth.

It doesn't take much to think of him as the seas.

Minho hands him the bottle in silence and Seungmin realizes that he'd already been drowned.

He doesn't think it's from the water that passes through his lips.

∆

_There's nothing to be afraid of anymore._

∆

"It takes much to unlearn distance," as an answer to the question Seungmin doesn't remember giving voice to. Jisung's voice is deep in the darkening night, uncharacteristic of him. He's got this far-off look in his eyes as he scans the skies, scans the stars. He blinks lazy, gaze constantly drifting and pulled to look somewhere else. Distracted easy, like he's looking for something he's already found and the assurance of it affords him the lack of focus.

Seungmin's can of beer is cold in his hands. When he touches it, Jisung's is bordering lukewarm. The weight of understanding burries itself deep between the spaces of Seungmin's ribcages.

"Jisung, how long have you looked at the stars?" 

Behind them, the door slides open. In a second, everything gets bathed in light. _Sunburst_. Somebody's sent to look for them. 

There's soft footfalls behind them. Seungmin sets his beer on the floor as Felix comes into view, blonde hair fluffing up like clouds in the wind that blows through. His arm is already outstretched to reach Jisung's. _How long did it take you to get used to being near stars?_

"Long enough for love to come passing by," came the reply.

Jisung stands up and traces the night sky on Felix's skin. 

They head back inside, Seungmin a few paces behind. He looks down as something catches his attention. Wonders for a few moments before truly understanding, before accepting, before stepping into a warm room.

The gold glints like a promise, the rings on their fingers telling of another sunlit story.

∆

_Left too aware of the heat, and how the sun mercilessly blazes right above as the sea below rages it's landless curses._

_"Closer, Icarus," breathes the whisper._

_"Dare."_

∆

A month's worth of tomorrows sees Seungmin thinking of love for the first time in a while. The feelings that reach him through held hands is the warmest he's ever felt. 

"Hyunjin."

He gets a hum and a glance for an answer.

"Can I kiss you?" 

Hyunjin's eyes wander across his face and stops at his mouth before he closes them, hand squeezing Seungmin's tighter. This is nothing. He's no stranger to Hyunjin's lingering gazes, how he focuses on Seungmin's mouth even if he's not talking. _Does he want this as much as I do?_

"Only if you want to, Minnie." Want to, Seungmin thinks. An affirmation. _That's the only answer I need._

He brings a free hand to Hyunjin's face, thumb stroking smooth over his cheekbone. His eyes flutter open.

Hyunjin levels him with a stare, deep trenches, as if he needs to be assured of this as much as Seungmin. _There's nothing to be afraid of anymore._

"Please," he says, voice hoarse, as if afraid that if he wishes any louder Seungmin will fly away and end everything. "Only if you want to."

Seungmin angles his body to Hyunjin and holds his face with both hands, leaning in and wanting to mirror the tenderness of everything. 

Dawn against the horizon, fading from the seas. Petals, soft, mild, warm. _Gentle, gentle, gentle._

Against Hyunjin's lips is where he says a mouthed _I love you_.

**Author's Note:**

> !! [my twt!](https://mobile.twitter.com/jjukyus) [my curiouscat!](https://curiouscat.qa/kyuisms)


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